Friday, April 3, 2009

Work, loneliness, whiskey, sleeping pills, and how not to talk to the young

It’s very difficult to know what to do next. There is so much on the table. Looks like we are going to publish a quarterly journal. I’m thinking about setting up a “Writer’s Group.” I have an artist to draw relevant political cartoons. We have to build a new web page. Have to redo the Blog. Am busy submitting the “One Person with Proof” ad to campus newspapers. And then Hernandez presented me with the idea to do press releases. I think it’s time to sit back and think things over.

Tonight my wife took some nephews ranging in age from three to fifteen to Peter Piper’s Pizza here in town. It must be a chain on the other side. Anyhow, I was left alone this evening after a day crammed full of work form 8am to 6pm. I didn’t like it. Yesterday when she drove with Marisol to the other side I felt as if I were alone. I was, but I felt like I was, which is not how it used to be. Age? Vulnerability? Silliness? No idea.

Just remembered that when I was in Los Angeles for a couple nights last week, alone at night in a motel room, I was lonely. It was never that way before. Tonight, with my wife only a mile from the house, and for only a couple hours, I felt alone. I bought a bottle of whiskey and made two Irish coffees, walked a little unsteadily to the corner to eat a quesadilla, walked back to the house to watch Bill O'Reilly and then Sean Hannity. If I'm a little drunk I can watch them okay. Even at that O'Reilly was especially annoying. Now my wife is back with the kids and I’m typing and all is well. Things change.

Last night I forgot to take my sleeping pill, one prescribed by my oncologist. It was necessary when I was doing chemo because I was given steroids so that I didn’t collapse the couple three days following, but I couldn’t sleep either, so. . . . Anyhow, I got used to using them. I sleep very nicely with the pill. Last night I set it aside, but forgot to use it. I slept okay, but lightly, waking four times to take a leak. But what I noticed this early afternoon was that I did not have to take a two-hour nap. Maybe I have just broken the habit of using sleeping pills, thanks to a failing memory. I have never slept well, and have just lived with it. Maybe I’ll return to that habit.

Habit is a wonderful thing. It saves us from having to be aware of the fullness, the niceties of life.

Yesterday two new campus newspapers agreed to run the new ad—“Are You a Student?” Three agreed to run it, took the money, but one has already backed out, the University of Akron. That’s the way it goes. We’ll see what happens tomorrow and Friday with a couple other papers that have accepted payment. I won’t mention them here until the ads have run. Why is that? I suppose you understand “why is that.”

I think I handled the University of Houston Daily Cougar not so good. I forgot in the moment that the student editors are at the mercy of the professors and those who administer them. It was not the moment for me to lecture student journalists, but to find a way to demonstrate to them that it is not “hateful” to ask questions about a historical event.

Students have been proselytized for so many decades by the professorial class about what to believe and what to say about the Holocaust that they do not really know where they are. Their professors believe the Germans were unique monsters who murdered millions of helpless civilians in gas chambers, just as the professors (it doesn't matter that they were priests--they still are with regard to this matter) used to believe that the sun circled the earth each 24 hours. Nothing will change their minds until other men and women sacrifice their lives to have the truth known.

But then, I’m rambling.

1 comment:

Gurfinkle said...

Just a personal note .... I don't think you mishandled the Cougar ....your letter was good ..... it was Apollonian who wrote a bunch of anti-semitic nonsense to the editor. The rule is that the Zionists can denounce anyone in any possible way, but no one is allowed to denounce them in any way. We have to live with this. Apollonian also threw in a bunch of 9/11 idiocy. He tanked the discussion.