Last night I decided to cut back my pain meds by one tablet. Woke up at 4.30am with the pain so insistent I couldn’t get back to sleep. I decided to take the tablet I had not taken the evening before. Somehow I put four, maybe five or six pain meds in my mouth and when I took a big drink to swallow them I could hardly get them all down. It didn’t matter. They didn’t help. From 4.30 until the alarm at 8.30, I tossed and turned with the pain. Once the alarm rang and I got my wits about me I realized I had not taken any extra pain meds after all, that I had dreamed I had taken them. It was pretty impressive to find, once again, how real a dream can be. At the same time, it was a small reminder that in real life suffering is part of the equation. Complaining is neither here nor there.
Typing those words causes thought to suggest to me (who am I?) that thought itself is yesterday’s product. I don’t get the connection. I suppose the idea is that thought does not operate without a history, an experience to base it on. Thought doesn’t start from nothing. It starts from something. Awareness is different. It appears without thought. No history. It’s as if thought comes out of the noise of life, while awareness appears in a moment of stillness when thought is not there.