Sunday, June 7, 2009

Pain meds, and no, it wasn't Simon Wiesenthal

I have been doubling up on the pain meds. The primary drug now is Gabapentin. My VA doctor ordered it for me on the basis of a telephone call when I told her nothing else was working. Nothing. She put me on 300 mgs of Gabapentin a day. On my calling her three days ago and telling her nothing was working she said I could take 900 mgs a day, 300 morning, noon, and night. Okay. It didn’t affect the pain. I can live with this order of pain for awhile, but it's been going on for weeks now and it’s not just the pain but that I’m getting really bored with it. I can’t walk more than a few feet, it’s a challenge to be able to stand up long enough to fix coffee in the morning.

This morning on waking, sitting on the edge of the bed, it was like I was sitting on a couple swords. Images of Japanese movies swirled through the brain where flying swordsmen clad in beautifull costumes are slicing each other apart with extraordinary verve and style. I took the 300 mgs of Gabapentin and went about my day. By noon I’d had enough. Rather than the 300 mgs my VA doctor had okayed, I took another 600. Hernandez, my new guy here in the office, flunked out of medical school in Tijuana ten years ago. He told me I could take up to 3,600 mgs of Gabapentin a day. Who am I to trust?

About two in the afternoon I lay down on the bed for a nap. I set the alarm for 3.30. I don’t want to sleep too much because it might interfere with my sleeping at night. When the alarm rang at 3.30 I set it for 4.00 and went back to sleep. In the end I kept resetting the alarm, waking up and resetting the alarm until it was about I was still groggy but I got up, ate some things laying around on the kitchen counter, then heated up a bowl of stew, lay down on the couch because I coulden't sit on it, and turned on the television. It seemed to me that the pain was a little less. I wasn’t certain.

Clicking around with the changer I found the Exocist. It had already begun but most of it was left. I had watched the movie when it came out in the early 1970s when Jenny and I were still together. I recalled it being a disturbing experience. Tonight I had no interest in watching the entire movie, but I was interested in seeing how the exotic religious scenes were handled. How the Church was handled. Watching, not beguiled by the film itself, I found the Catholic business to be handled with respect and good sense. I had no wish to suspend disbelief this time around, I was looking at it as a piece of work, so there was no real drama. I found it well directed, well acted. A job well done. And then there was the moment when the face of detective Kinderman first appeared in a car window. For a moment I thought it was Simon Wiesenthal. I'm not crazy. I knew it wasn't him. But I had to see the figure two or three times before I recognized him. Lee J. Cobb.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very sorry to hear of your battles, Brad. You are a wounded soldier for the truth, and the good Lord will in due course bless you.. You have achieved wonderful things and they are marked down in the history textbooks of eternity for this particular solar system.

Jason in CT