Thursday, October 29, 2009

Preparing to take a run at You Tube

Today Hernandez and I did our first interview for a You Tube presentation. Hernandez started talking about YouTube three, four months ago. I decided to take a run at it. That was in early September. I bought a Webcam, a good camera with a tripod. The equipment has been here maybe six weeks. Always a time issue. And then there have been distractions, deaths in the family, sickness, the surgery (day before yesterday the stitches were removed so that distraction if just about over), in short the usual distractions of life.

Anyhow, this morning we uploaded Real Player and had our first back and forth on camera. We are still working on the concept for the “program.” It’s in my mind that I would just like to talk to somebody. Why not the folk who come here, or who use The Forum or the CODOH Library? Some of you know me, most don’t. It might be better if more of us knew more of us.

The trial run we did this morning lasted five minutes. Hernandez said it was very messy. I was surprised at how old I look. Here in the house, in our bathroom mirror where I see my image most every morning and night, I look a lot better. Maybe the camera was too close. Vanity, thy name is Smith. I have to get used to the idea that I’ll be 80 years old in a couple months, that I’m fat, and just not as pretty as I was 40 or 50 years ago. What can I say?

Tomorrow we’ll take a second run at an interview and I expect to send it on to those of you who have signed up for CODOH Updates and News. Nothing deep, nothing complicated, just a “How ya doin’” a couple times a week along with, hopefully, a lead to a relevant story. I may not be able to much improve it, but maybe I will be able to add a little something to the “human face” of Holocaust revisionism.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A hole in the head, but nothing dangerous

I might as well get it behind me, without boring you. It was a month ago today that I wrote here that I have cancer again, specifically a squamous cell carcinoma on the right temple. It’s a form of skin cancer, not so dangerous as melanoma if you catch it in time. Anyhow, Monday last, the 19th, I was in for surgery and Dr. Erick Mafong cut it out with an electric scalpel of some kind. It was rather painless. The procedure, including the waiting between surgery sessions for test results, was four hours.

The hole Mafong cut was an inch and a quarter, inch and a half in diameter. The size surprised me. There wasn’t much blood, though some did run down into the right ear and that was a bother. Mafong said the cancer had not reached the bone. “Not close,” he said. Which was what most concerned me. Then there was the skin being pulled up and down, 30 stitches, instructions for my wife on how to clean and dress the wound, and then for the rest of the afternoon and evening there was the headache and the feeling ga-ga but needing to run some errands. We made it back down to the house just as the sun disappeared.

And so it goes.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The thread of thought is carried on largely by ....

Reading the preface to Stirner’s The Ego and His Own where, in the second paragraph, I underlined this text:

“It is characteristic of Stirner’s writing that the thread of thought is carried on largely by the repetition of the same word in a modified form or sense.”

The sentence made me think, maybe for the first time, to tell my blog readers that I have chosen to not talk about the depression and anxiety I have been gripped with the last weeks. A long time ago, when I was serious about keeping a journal, that is the sort of thing I felt obligated to record. It was a matter of principle. Now I see it as being a burden on my reader. That a blog cannot carry the weight of too much real confession.

And then thought asked: but what is the connection here?

On the one hand the thread of thought is carried on largely by the repetition of the same word in a modified form or sense. On the other I am aware that I have chosen to not burden my readers with the depression. Where is the connection? What is the connection?

I haven't the slightest.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Light, Darkness, and Human Culture

Late yesterday afternoon my wife and I got in the car to so some mandados (errands). Buy drinking water, buy some odds and ends at the 99-cent store, pick up the mail, do a little marketing. When we entered the market the sun was setting. When we came out it was dark. My heart sank. It was as if the heart had wanted the light to continue. But there it was. Darkness. It wasn’t exactly dread that I felt, but something like it. A sudden, inexplicable depression mixed with anxiety.

Why? No idea.

Today it’s really too obvious. With the fact of my coming death becoming more palpable, no matter that it might be ten, twenty years down the road, the concept of death moves slowly into thought. Thought has reflected on the darkness and is fearful of entering the place where thought will no longer exist. When I leave the market thought observes that light has been replaced with darkness, and in that split second the body constricts itself around the heart. It is thought that put the conundrum there. The body doesn’t care. The body has no interest in light, or in darkness, or in the ending. Only thought is interested.

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Saturday evening and I drive downtown, walk as far as I can, then go to the little bar at Vince’s fish restaurant. It may be something of a new routine after losing El Cigart to the recession. Ten years of Saturday evenings at El Cigart and now it’s gone. Big business, big government in their endless embrace, forever failing. So now it’s Vince’s. I drink a couple three bottles of Casta, a new dark beer, and watch the boxing match.

I would like to watch both fighters, giving each equal attention, but I can’t. I am always focused on one or the other. I go back and forth. It’s too complicated to see all at once. Sometimes I try to watch only the gloves, but I can’t do that either. I watch one pair of gloves, then the other. Sometimes I think about how there are those who speak of boxing as a savage sport. The aim of each is to hurt the other. I would argue that it is not savage because it is practiced without anger.

When we fire-bomb a great city, or nuke it, that too is done without personal anger, so is not savage. Killing others is an intricate part of advanced human culture. Anger is not necessary, it’s neither here nor there. You can participate in burning alive 40,000 people without feeling anger. You do it because it was a mission given you. You have nothing against the individuals you help burn. So it’s not savage. It’s a key expression of advanced human culture.